Ese ni gute witwara iyo wagiranye ibibazo n’umukunzi wawe? Ese urarakara? Ese wumva wataye umutwe, ugatakaza icyizere? Ese uhita ubivamo? Cyangwa hari icyo ukora kugirango ibyo bibazo bikemuke?

Ukuri ni uko abantu bake aribo bazi uko bitwara nicyo bakora kugirango bakemure ibibazo byaje hagati yabo n’abakunzi babo. Nimugihe bamwe bahitamo guhita batandukana, inkuru y’urukundo rwabo ikarangirira aho, utibagiwe n’ibikomere bahakura.

Nta bantu bakundana bahora baryohewe iminsi yose. Abakundana (couples) bahura na byinshi mu rugendo rwabo, bimwe biba ari byiza cyane, ibindi bikomeye ndetse binagoye guhangana nabyo. Ibibazo biza hagati y’abakunda akenshi bifatwa nk’igerageza ryo kwihanga kwabo, kandi ni ahabo kugirango babitsinde. Ikibabaje nuko hari ibiba ugasanga ntibashoboye kubikemura bikarangira byangije umubano wabo.

Ibibazo ibyo aribyo byose mwahura nabyo mu rugendo rwanyu rwo gukundana, gutandukana ntago aricyo gisubizo gikwiriye, nubwo umwe muri mwe aba yumva aricyo cyafasha umutima we kuva mu buribwe.

Niba muri iyi minsi urimo kurwana no kuba watabara urukundo rwawe rusa nkaho ruri mu marembera kubera ibibazo runaka byabayeho, tugiye kukubwira ibizagufasha gukemura ibyo bibazo kandi bitabaye ngombwa ko utandukana n’umukunzi wawe.

  1. Menya ko urukundo urimo atari urutagafitu,

Dukunda kuvuga ko isi dutuye atari paradizo, ndetse n’inkuru y’urukundo rwawe ntago imeze nkazimye ujya wumva, izo ureba muri film cyangwa ugasoma mu bitabo. Igihe cyo gukemura ibibazo mu rukundo rawe, ni igihamya cya mbere cy’uko urugendo rw’urukundo rutagomba kuba rutagatifu.

Ugomba kumenya ko yaba wowe n’umukunzi wawe mwese muri abantu kandi mushobora gukosa. Ntugatandukane n’umukunzi wawe kuberako gusa hari ikosa yakoze. Ahubwo muganire, uwakoze ikosa aryemere kandi aryigiremo.

  • Muganire ku bibazo byugarije urukundo rwanyu

Niba habayeho kutumvikana kubera impamvu runaka, wenda mudahuriza ku mwanzuro umwe w’ikintu mushaka gukora, uburyo bwiza ni ukubiganiraho mwitonze kandi mwabihaye umwanya. Kuganira ni urufunguzo rukomeye ruzafasha urukundo rwawe kuramba. Kuganira bigomba kubaho buri gihe ariko cyane cyane igihe mwagiranye ibibazo, kugirango mubashe kubishakira ibisubizo kandi mu buryo bwiza ndetse mukirinda gushinjanya amakosa.

Bwira umukunzi wawe ibitekerezo byawe, kandi nawe umuhe umwanya akubwire ibye. Singombwa ko umwe yereka undi ko ariwe ufite ibitekerezo byiza kurusha undi, kuko nubundi musanga imyanzuro mufata arimwe igiraho ingaruka.

Kuganira hagati y’abantu bakundana birafasha cyane kuko bibafasha kumenya uburyo bwiza bwo gukemura ibibazo mufitanye. Niyo yaba ari umwe muri mwe wakoze ikosa, cyangwa ariwe mpamvu yo kutumvikana kwabayeho, mwese mugomba kugira uruhare rungana mukubikemura. Usaba imbabazi, ukababarira, ugatanga andi mahirwe kandi ukigira mu makosa yawe.

  • Mufate igihe cyo kwitekerezaho

Gufata igihe cyo gutekereza ku byabaye mutarikumwe bishobora kuba inzira nziza yo gutuma buri umwe atuza, cyane cyane iyo mwagira ikibazo gituma hazamo n’uburakari bukabije. Iyo ufite umujinya n’uburakari bwinshi ntago wabasha no gukemura ikibazo, ibyiza mwihe igihe cyo ku bitekerezaho.

Niba mwahisemo guhana umwanya wo gutekereza kukibazo mwagiranye, mumenye neza ko icyo gihe gihagije kandi kidakabije kuburyo umwe muri mwe yaba yatangiye kurambirwa no gufata indi mwanzuro.

  • Ihangane, wumve cyane kandi ugire icyizere

Niba ibibazo mufitanye hagati yanyu biterwa nuko uwo mukundana atari hafi yawe, ugomba kwishingikiriza kuri ibi bintu bitatu: kwihangana, gutega amatwi no kwizera.

Ntimutandukane kubera ko kwihangana byakunaniye, jya uha amahirwe urukundo urimo rukure n’ubwo uwo mukandana atakuri hafi, ikindi ujye umwizera. Kubera iki wumva warambirwa kandi uwo murikumwe agerageza uko ashoboye ngo urukundo rwanyu rukomeze? Bitekerezeho ufate umwanzuro.

  • Muganire ku kibazo mwagiranye mufatanye mu biganza

Kuganira mufanye mu biganza ni ngombwa cyane igihe abantu bakundana barimo kuganira ku bibazo bafitanye, ubu buryo kandi ubugirwamo inama n’inzobere mu buzima bwo mu mutwe.

Iyo mufatanye mu biganza igihe muri kuganira ku bibazo mufitanye, buri umwe abasha kwiyumvamo ibyiyumviro bya mugenzi we bitanabaye ngombwa ko avuga. Ikindi nuko mubasha kurema ubumwe budasanzwe hagati yanyu, bigatuma n’umwanzuro mufata uba ubavuye ku mutima kandi ubabereye mwembi.

  • Jya usaba imbabazi, kandi ubikore ukomeje

Iyo wowe n’umukunzi wawe mufitanye ibabazo, bibabaza amarangamutima n’ibyiyumviro bya buri umwe muri mwe, bitewe n’uburyo muba muvugana. Utitaye kuri nyir’amakosa, ujye uhora witeguye gusaba imbabazi.

Kuvuga ijambo “mbabarira”, ntago bihita byemeza ko ari wowe wakosheje cyangwa wabaye imbarutso yo kutumvikana kwanyu, ariko muri kwavugana, hari igihe usanga uvuze amagambo mabi, ni byiza gusaba imbabazi kandi ukomeje, bizafasha no guhosha umujinya n’uburakari, noneho muganire mutuje.

  • Jya wita ku byiyumviro by’umukunzi wawe

Niba murimo kutumvikana n’umukunzi wawe, ugomba guha agaciro ibyiyumviro bye ndetse ukumva nicyo we abivugaho. Ushobora no kumenya icyo umukunzi wawe atekereza kuri icyo kintu mutumvikanaho, kuko wagize umwanya wo kwita ku byiyumviro bye. Urebye umuntu mu maso, ushobora kumenya niba ikintu agikunze cyangwa acyanze, ukamenya niba ashakako ibintu bikemuka cyangwa atabishaka. Igihe mwagiranye ikibazo nk’abakundana rero, ibi muzabyibuke.

  • Igihe wumva utangiye gushidikanya, Senga

Niba mwagerageraje uko mushoboye nk’abantu bakundana, ariko gukemura ikibazo mufitanye bikaba byabananiye, mufate akanya musenge. Mushobora gusengera hamwe cyangwa umwe muri mwe akabikora, gusa icyo mugomba kuzirina ni uko ntakinanira isengesho kubantu bizera Imana. Mwitandukana kuko mutumvikanye ku kintu runaka, ahubwo musenge musabe Imana, ibayobore, ibafashe gutandukanya amarangamutima n’impamvu yateye ikibazo mufitanye, maze muzarebeko bitagenda neza.

Hari Amakosa ugomba kwirinda igihe wagiranye ikibazo n’umukunzi wawe, mugashwana bikomeye ariko kandi ntimuzatandukane.

Ntugatume igitekerezo cyo gutadukana kiza mu biganiro byanyu

“Reka ibi tubirangize”, “reka dutandukane”, izi ni interuro utagomba gukinisha kuzana mu biganiro byawe n’umukunzi wawe cyane igihe mwagiranye ibibazo, kabone niyi waba ubabaye bingana iki, ntugashakire igisubizo mu gutandukana n’umukunzi wawe.

Ntugahite uva ku bintu gutyo gusa byoroshye. Ushobora no gutekerezako gutandukana kwanyu aricyo gisubizo cyiza, ariko burya sibyo ahubwo bizakongera umutwaro k’uwo warusanganywe ndetse n’ibwo umutima wawe uzarushaho kubabara. Ikindi ugomba kuzirikana nuko ushobora kubwira umuntu ngo mutandukane, kubera uburakari n’ikibazo mwagiranye, we akabifata nk’aho ukomeje ugasanga ni wowe ubaye intandaro yo gutandukana kwanyu.

Rekera aho gushyira amakosa yose kuri mugenzi wawe

Nk’uko twabivuze haruguru, ntago mugomba gukina imikino yo gushinjanya amakosa. Niba umuntu mukundana yafashe umwanzuro utishimiye cyangwa se yakoze ikosa, ugomba kujya ubifata muri ubu buryo bubiri: umbwa mbere, uburyo umukunzi wawe yitwaye, bishobora kuba byatewe nawe. Ubwa kabiri, nawe uri umwe mu kintu icyo aricyo cyose kiza gukurikira ibyabaye, harimo n’imyanzuro muza gufata, nawe ikugeraho. Niyo mpamvu amakosa yose udakwiye uyashyira kuri mugenzi wawe.

Isuzume nawe ku ruhande rwawe, wibaze uti “ese njyewe ndimo gukora uruhande rwanjye mu gukemura iki kibazo?”, “ni iki nakoze cyaba cyabaye imbarutso y’ibyabaye?”, “ese ntacyo narigukora ngo mbyirinde, nirinde ko ibi bibaho?”

Numara kwisubiza ibi bibazo, bizagufasha kumenya uko witwara mu bibazo wagiranye n’umukunzi wawe, kuko uzaba wamaze kwiyumvisha inshingano zawe n’uruhare rwawe mu gukemura ikibazo, bitabaye ngombwa ko byose ubishinja mugenzi wawe.

Ntugatume ibitekerezo by’abandi bantu aribyo ugenderaho ufata umwanzuro

Nubwo dukunda kuvuga ko nta muntu wigira kandi ari byiza gusaba inama n’ubufasha mu gihe biringombwa, gusa iyo bigeze mu rukundo rw’abantu babiri, biba byiza iyo imyanzuro mufashe ari mwebwe iturutseho.

Niba uziko wowe urimo gukora uruhare rwawe neza, mbese ntakintu wishinja ujye ugira n’icyizere ko udakeneye ibyo abandi batekereza ku kibazo wagiranye n’umukunzi wawe. Kuko ibyo bavuga, babikubwira nkabo ariko ni wowe uba uzi icyo ushaka, ni byiza rere ko imyanzuro mufata iba ivuye muri mwebwe idashingiye kubitekerezo by’abandi bantu.

Ntugahungire mu bintu bihita bishira ako kanya

Hari abantu bagirana ibibazo n’abakunzi babo, bagahitamo kujya gushakira ibisubizo cyangwa ubuhungiro mu bintu bihita birangira, nko kunywa inzoga, itabi, abandi bagatangira guca inyuma abakunzi babo, batekerezako bibafasha gutuza. Ariko se noneho ibaze ukuntu uba ugiye kwangiza no gusenya urukundo rwawe narwo rwari rusanzwe rufite ibibazo?

Niba ushaka ko ibibazo wagiranye n’umukunzi wawe birangira, mugakomeza gukundana, ntuzigere ufata iyi nzira. Ujye uhagarara uhangane n’ibirimo kuba hagati yanyu, wowe birashoboka ko ufite intege nke, ariko mwembi muhuje umutima ntakintu na kimwe cyabahagarika, nta kibazo mutabasha gukemura.

Ntugakoreshe amagambo yawe nk’intwaro yo kubabaza mugenzi wawe

Burya amagambo tuvuga aba afite imbaraga. Ashobora kuba meza cyane akanaryohera nk’ubuki, ariko nanone ashobora kuba mabi ndetse akanagira ubukana nk’ubw’icyuma. Amagambo uvuga, ujye uyakoresha witonze, cyane cyane muri cyagihe cyo guharira no gushaka gukemura ibibazo biri mu rukundo rwanyu. Ntukigere uvuga ijambo kandi ubizi ko riribubabaze mugenzi wawe, kuko n’ubikora, bizongera ibibazo aho kubikemura.

Burya kuvuga amagambo wiboneye, utitaye ko mugenzi wawe aza kubyakira ngo ni uko ubabaye cyangwa warakaye, bishobora gutuma urukundo rwanyu rugera ku iherezo. Mu gihe gukoresha amagambo meza, bishobora kubaka umubano wanyu kandi wendaga gusenyuka. Amahitamo y’amagambo ukoresha igihe watonganye n’umuntu cyangwa mutarimo kumvikana, ahora ahari, ni ahawe ho guhitamo neza amagambo ukoresha.

Ntimugatonganire kuri telephone, message cyangwa Chat

Ni byiza ko abantu bahamagarana, bakandikirana ariko mu gihe harimo ikibazo hagati y’abantu bakundana, sibyiza gushaka kubikemurira kuri telephone. Burya wowe uko wanditse ubutumwa wiyumva, siko mugenzi wawe abusoma, ndetse akenshi ubusobanuro bw’icyo wanditse bushobora guhinduka, ugasanga ahubwo ibibazo bikomeje kwiyongera.

Aho guhamagarana cyangwa kwandikirana mugihe mushaka gukemura ibibazo, mushake umwanya, ahantu hatuje muri babiri, maze muganire kubitagenda mu rukundo rwanyu, mubikemure.

Abantu bakundana bose, bagira kutumvikana bya hato na hato. Mushobora kuba mu maranye imyaka cyangwa amezi runaka, biranashoboka ko mwaba mubana nk’umugore n’umugabo ariko ibibazo ntago bijya bibura. Ibyo bibazo byose biza hagati yanyu, ni isuzuma ryo kwihangana kwanyu, iyo mubashije kubirenga kandi neza, ni ikimenyetso cy’uko urukundo rwanyu ruzaramba.

Singombwa ko inkuru yanyu y’urukundo iba izira amakosa, ariko ni ngomba kwihangana mu rukundo cyane cyane igihe utekerezako uwo murikumwe ariwe muntu wawe (warutegereje). Ibibazo n’ibigeragezo mu rukundo bizahora biza mu nzira yanyu, ariko urukundo rwanyu rugomba kuba rukomeye bihamye, kugirango muhangane nabyo byose. Ntuve ku izima.

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