Dore icyagufasha gukomeza ubuzima bwawe kandi neza nyuma yo gutandukana n’uwo wakundaga
Kubura umuntu wari warafashe nkaho isi yawe ariwe yikaragiraho, ndetse ukaba utabasha kwiyumvisha uko wabaho adahari birababaza cyane iyo utekerejeko byinshi mwahuriragaho bigiye guhinduka, nko kuba mutazongera guhamagarana nk’uko byari bisanzwe, amagambo mwajyaga mubwirana, ahantu mwatemberanaga mutazongera kujyana n’ibindi.
Ibyo iyo bibayeho, mu minsi ya mbere ushobora kunanirwa kurya cyangwa gusinzira. Wumva nta mpamvu n’imwe yo kubaho ufite, yewe ntiwiyumvishe uko uzongera kubaho. Iyo utari umuntu ubasha kwihangana, muri ibi bihe ushobora guhura n’agahinda gakabije ndetse ujya wumva bamwe bagerageza no kwiyambura ubuzima, gusa reka nkubwire ko atari ngombwa ko ugera aho hose.
Uko byaba bigukomereye kose aka kanya, menya ko ububabare ufite buzarangira. Bishobora kugufata amezi cyangwa imyaka ariko icyo nakwizeza nuko igihe kizakiza ibyo bikomere byawe.
Ibihe urimo biragukomereye kandi birakugoye cyane ariko icyo ugomba gukora ni ukureka ahahise, ukirengagiza ibyo byose ubundi ugatangira ubuzima bwiza. Ushobora kwibaza uti ese ibi nabikora gute? Twaguteguriye ibintu 8 wakora bikagufasha kurenga ibyo bikomere ugatangira ubuzima bwiza.
1. Rekera aho gukomeza gushyira mu mutwe wawe ahahise
Yego biragoye kwibagirwa burundu, inzibutso z’ibyakubabaje (painful memories) ariko hamwe n’ubushake ndetse n’imbaraga washyizemo ushobora kugabanya ingaruka zabyo kuri wowe.Gerageza wirinde gukomeza gutekereza uburyo mwatandukanye hamwe n’ibihe byiza mwagiranye, kuko ibi kubitekereza bikubabaza kurushaho.
Kugirango ibi ubashe kubigeraho rero, shaka ibintu bituma ibitekerezo byawe bihora bihuze.Aha niba uri umuntu ufite akazi byagufasha, ariko nanone niba utagafite wowe ubwawe wishakira ibiguhuza. Igihe cyose utangiye kwibuka bya bihe mwagiranye cyangwa uwo mwakundanaga, shaka ikintu ukora, wakumva indirimbo, wakora siporo ariko cyane cyane ukore byabintu bizatuma unanirwa, kuburyo nujya kuryama utaribuze kubona akanya kogutekereza ahubwo uhita usinzira.
2. Wikwishinja amakosa y’ibyabaye
Ni ibintu bisanzwe ko iyo umuntu ababaye atangira kwibwira ko nta kabuza impamvu ariwe zaturutseho. Ugatangira kuvuga uti “ahari ntago nitwaye neza bihagije, cyangwa se ntago natumye abona ko akunzwe, anitaweho bihagije.”
Niba ubizi neza ko ntakosa wakoze cyangwa ikindi kintu icyo aricyo cyose cyaba cyarabaye imbarutso yo gutandukana kwanyu, rekeraho kwishyiraho amakosa. Rimwe na rimwe abantu ntibagenda kuberako abo bakundana ari babi, ahubwo bagenda kuko batuzuzanya. Urabizi neza ko wakoze icyo warushoboye cyose, nawe ntago wifuzaga kubabara, kuba mwatandukanye si ikosa ryawe kereka niba uzi neza ko hari icyo wakoze cyatumye mutandukana, niba atari byo, rekera kwirenganya.
3. Shyira kure cyane cyangwa utwike ibintu byose bigutera amarangamutima
Urabizi neza ko kuba ukomeza kureba impano zitandukanye yaguhaye bituma wongera kumwibuka ndetse akenshi bikaba byaguha ibyizere bidahari by’uko byanze bikunze azagaruka mukongera gukundana. Niba koko ushaka kubyibagirwa no gukira uburibwe, va ku izima byeruye. Gukomeza kureba kenshi ibyo yaguhaye bizakomeza kumukwibutsa, nicyo gihe ngo ukomere bihagije maze byabindi byose ubishyire kure hahantu uziko ushobora kumara umwaka utahageze, kugeza igihe uzamara gukira ibikomere ndetse nibiba ngombwa nk’amabaruwa mwandikiranaga uyatwike niba aribyo byagufasha kwibagirwa no gukomeza ubuzima bwawe neza.
4. Ihe umwanya wo kutavugana ndetse no guhura nawe
Biragoye cyane kwibagirwa umuntu kandi nta mahirwe ahari y’uko muzongera gusubirana, fata umwanya rero utamuvugisha, utanahura nawe. Ntago ari bibi kuba muzongera kuba inshuti umunsi umwe, ariko byako kanya reka kumuhamagara no guhura nawe kuko ntacyo bigufasha mu rugendo urimo rwo gukira ibikomere no gukomeza ubuzima.
Ushobora kumuboloka (block) ku mbuga nkoranyambaga, ugasiba nimero ye niba wumva aribyo bizagufasha, ntakibazo rwose wabikora.Hari nabahindura nimero aribo, nabyo si bibi, igihe cyose wumva byagufasha kumwibagirwa, gukira ibikomere, no kongera kwiyubaka mu buryo bw’amarangamutima, n’inzira uziko akunda gucamo waba urekeye kongera kuyinyuramo bishobotse.
5. Emera ibyabaye kandi urekere kwifuzako ibihe byasubira inyuma
Kutakira ukuri ko uwo mwakundanaga mutakiri kumwe, bizatuma ibintu bigukomerera kurushaho. Uko warira kose, n’amarira yose warira, ntago byahindura ibyabaye. Ni byiza rero ko wakwemera ibyabaye ahubwo ugatangira gutekereza uko wabirenga ugakomeza kubaho kandi neza.
Aho kugirango ukomeza kwifuza ko ibihe byasubira inyuma mugikundana, cyangwa uko ahazaza hazamera adahari, ihe intego y’ibintu ugiye gukora nk’icyerekezo cyawe gishya, harimo nko gutera imbere ndetse no kuba uzongera ukabona undi muntu ugukwiriye.
6. Igihe bibaye ngombwa ko wibuka, hanyangana na za nzibutso (memories) mwagiranye
Abantu benshi bababaye bahitamo kujya kurecyane (kwimuka) kugirango yibagirwe vuba. Indi mpamvu abantu bahunga ahantu bakajya ahandi, ni ukubera ihungabana. Kunyura mu nzira mwajyaga munyuramo, kunyura hafi y’ahantu mwajyaga mutemberana, bigusubiza inyuma ndetse hari nabo bitera ubwoba budasanzwe.
Kimwe mu bintu bizagufasha kumenya neza kowamaze kwisuganya, kandi utagifite ibikomere, nuko nujya hahantu hose uzi mufitanye inzibutso zitandukanye, ukumva ntakibazo ugize, ukahabona nk’aho ari ahantu nk’ahandi ahubwo wowe ugatangira kuharema izindi zawe, uzamenyako wakize ibikomere.
7. Menya agaciro kawe kandi ko ukwiriye gufatwa neza
Niba umuntu mwakundanaga yarakubabaje kenshi, uwo muntu ntago akwiriye amarira yawe. Abandi bazakomeza kukubabaza niba utazi uko wakwirinda. Ndakwinginze menya icyo ukwiriye kurwanirira. Ugomba kumenya no kwizerako uri udasanzwe, kuba yakwanze cyangwa mwatandukanye kubera impamvu runaka, ntago bivuzeko ntagaciro ugifite. Uri udasanzwe kandi igihe kizagera ubone undi ukubaha, akanakwishimira.
Umuntu utuma wiyumva nkaho ntacyo umaze, ntago agukwiriye, uwo muntu ntago azi agaciro kawe. Igihe cyose utangiye kumwibuka, ibuka ko ukwiye undi muntu mwiza kurushaho. Burya hari nubwo utandukana n’umuntu, ugashima Imana ko umubano wanyu urangiye, kuberako uwo muntu aba atagukwiriye.
8. Ba mwiza ku mpamvu nziza
Urashaka ibyiza? Nta muntu numwe w’intungane ubaho, ariko ushobora kubona uwo muhuza. Uwo ni wantu muhuza mu myitwarire ndetse n’intego zanyu. Wikwishyiramo kouzabona umuntu uhuje ijana ku ijana nibyo ushaka. Aho byaba ari ukwikunda, ariko haranira kuba mwiza mu buryo bwose bushoboka kugirango uzahure n’ugukwiriye mu bihe bizaza.
Gukira ibikomere by’urukundo, kwibagirwa no gukomeza ubuzima ntago byoroha, ariko ushobora gukoresha bya bihe bigoye wanyuzemo nk’ikiraro kizagufasha kuba umuntu mwiza yaba kuri wowe ndetse n’undi muzakundana, kuko ndabiziko igihe kizagera ukongera kubona uwo muhuza mugakundana.Witwarwa n’ahahise, ahubwo haguruka ukomeza, uhangane no kugira ubuzima bwiza ejo hazaza.
