Hari igihe usanga abantu bakundanaga, ariko igihe kikagera ugasanga umwe ashidutse undi atakibirimo kandi atarigeze na rimwe abibona bitangira, ahubwo akazajya kubimenya byaramaze kurangira burundu. Gusa si uko aba atarabibonye, ahubwo hari ubwo ahitamo kubyirengagiza cyangwa se ntamenye ko ibyo arimo kubona ari ibimenyetso.
Uyu munsi mu nkuru yacu, twaguteguriye uburyo umukobwa byitwa ko mwakundanaga ashobora kwitwaramo ukamenya ko ari ikimenyetso cy’uko atakigukunda ndetse ashaka ko iby’urukundo bihagarara ariko ntatobore ngo abikubwire. Kubimenya bizagufasha kumenya icyo ukora igihe utangiye kubona bimwe mu bimenyetso tugiye kukubwira, maze ukaba wakwicaza umukunzi wawe mukabiganiraho ukamenya n’impamvu imutera gushaka guhagarika iby’urukundo rwanyu.
Musore rero, umukobwa utakigukunda ntago azitwara bigiye kure y’ibi:
Ntaba acyikubangamira
Nituvuga kubangama, ntiwumve kubangama bimwe bibi, ahubwo hano turavuga kwakundi, umuntu aba akwitaho, akamenya ibyakubayeho, hahandi usanga akubaza uko umunsi wagenze, uko akazi kagenze kubagafite, niba wariye, n’ibindi nk’ibyo. Gusa iyo umukobwa yatangiye kubivamo, ibyo byose ntago aba akibyitaho, yewe bisa nk’aho ntacyo bimaze kuriwe akumva ntan’impamvu yo kubikubaza.
Ntaba akikubona nk’umuntu umukurura
Iyo uri mu rukundo n’umukobwa, urabiziko aba akubona nk’aho ari wowe musore uri ku isi wenyine, akabona uri mwiza, akumva aho ahari hose mwaba amurikumwe, gusa iyo atakigukunda ibi byose bishira ubireba. Nubwo wabyirengagiza ariko urabibona ko utakimukurura. Mu yandi magambo, imbere ye ntugisamaje.
Ntaba akibishyiramo imbaraga
Ubundi umukobwa uri mu rukundo, akenshi usanga ashyiramo imbaraga mu rukundo rwe n’uwo bakundana kugirango bahore banezerewe. Ariko niba umukobwa mwakundanaga yatangiye kubivamo, mbese atakigukunda, byabindi byose bizashira, utangire uboneko atagishyiramo imbaraga mu kurwanirira urukundo rwanyu. Ibi uzabibonera mu gihe muzagirana kutumvikana dore ko nta rukundo bitabamo, nibwo uzabona ko mugukemuka kwabyo ntacyo bikimubwiye, mu gihe mbere wenda ariwe wanafataga iya mbere.
Ntaba akibona icyo akuganiriza
Niba mwajyaga muvugana gatatu ku munsi wenda, bizatangira bibe kabiri, bibe rimwe ndetse bizageza cya gihe bishire, kuburyo niba wowe utamuhamagaye cgangwa ngo umwandikire, bishobora kwira mutavuganye. Ikindi niba mwamaranaga iminota runaka cyangwa amasaha muvugana, igihe kizagabanuka kandi ujye wumva yabuze ibyo akuganiriza mu gihe mbere no gusezeranaho kuri we byarabaga ikibazo.
Ntaba acyita ku byumviro byawe
Niba umukobwa mwakundanaga, yatangiye kubivamo ndetse atakigukunda, uzabibwirwa nuko azajya akora ibintu byose cyangwa se avuge amagambo uko abyumva nuko abishaka, atitaye uko uribuze kubyakira cyangwa niba biribukubabaze. Uzabibonera kandi no mu buryo akuvugisha, amagambo akubwira na gahunda muhana uburyo azubahiriza.
Ntaba acyishimira ibyo umukorera
Iyo ukundana n’umuntu, buri gikorwa cyose agukoreye ndetse yewe nubwo cyaba ari gitoya, biramushimira. Igihe umukobwa mwakundanaga atakigukunda rero, ibyo wamukoreraga ntago aba akibyitayeho, cyangwa ngo agushimire. Mbese abifata nk’ibintu biri aho gusa ndetse akabifata nk’aho ntakidasanzwe ukoze mbese akwerekeko ari kimwe nuko yabikorerwa n’undi muntu. Hari n’ubwo umukorera ikintu runaka cyangwa ukamutungura ugirango yishime, ahubwo we akarakara kandi wenda mbere yarabikundaga.
Kuvugana (communication) bituruka kuri wowe gusa
Nkuko twabivuze haruguru ko umukobwa utakigukunda atangira kujya abura icyo akubwira murimo kuganira cyangwa kuri telephone, igihe kiragera noneho akaba ari wowe utangiza ibiganiro buri gihe, ugasanga ni wowe ufite ibyo kumubwira gusa kandi ukumva nibyo kugusubiza ntabifite. Hari n’ubwo nutamubaza we azicecekera rwose mbese bimere nk’aho uri umuntu batamenyeranye yabuze icyo abwira, mugihe mbere wenda ariwe wazanaga ibiganiro na burage (jokes), byatumaga ibiganiro byanyu biryoha.
Ntago yongera kugukorera ikintu kidasanzwe cyangwa ngo agutungure
Ubusanzwe iyo abantu bakundana, buri umwe akora ibishoboka byose ngo yereke mugenzi we ko ari umuntu udasanzwe. Umukobwa mwakundagana naba atakigukunda, nta kintu na kimwe azongera gukora cyakwereka ko uri udasanzwe kuri we cyangwa se ko ukunzwe. Hari nabadashobora kwihangana rwose, ugasanga asigaye akwereka agasuzuguro, hahandi nyine ubibona nawe ko utakiri umuntu wihariye kuri we ndetse no mu buzima bwe.
Ntaba acyikwitaho cyangwa ngo aguhe umwanya
Murabizi ukuntu umuntu wese uri mu rukundo aba ashaka ko mugenzi we amuha umwanya, akamwitaho. Niba murimo kuganira, ukabona ko aguteze amatwi mbese akwitayeho we wese. Ariko niba umukobwa wawe yatangiye kubivamo, uzasanga mugihe urimo kuvuga, we yibereye muri telephone, cyangwa agashaka ibindi bintu byose bituma ubona ko ahuze, mbese akwerekeko ahubwo urimo kumutwarira umwanya hari ibindi yakabaye awukoresha cyangwa abe yanakubwira ko ibyo umubwira bitari ngombwa cyane ako kanya, mwategereza undi munsi.
Ntaba agiterwa ishema nawe
Iyo umukobwa mwakundanaga muri we urukundo rwamaze gushira, asigara yumva nta muntu wababonana cyangwa ngo amenyeko mukundana. Hahandi muzahura n’abantu ukabona abuze uburyo abakubwiramo (presentation). Ni mugihe kandi mbere, aho mwajyaga hose, mwabaga mufatanye agatoki ku kandi, akubwira inshuti ze zose, ariko urukundo iyo rushize, ibi nabyo bijyana narwo.
Ibi byose tumaze kuvuga haruguru, ni bimwe mu bizakwerekako umukobwa mwakundanaga, nubwo atarabikwerurira, nubwo agerageza wenda ngo uboneko mukiri kumwe ariko muri we urukundo rwamaze gushira, ahubwo icyo abura gusa ari imbarutso cyangwa imbaraga zo kubikubwira.
Mugihe watangiye kubona ibi bimenyetso rero, icyiza ni uko mwakwicara mukaganira, ukamubaza ikitagenda, byaba ari ibyo mukemura bigakemuka. Nakubera imfura, azakubwiza ukuri, nawe umenye icyo gukora.
